Thoughts from the Couch Part 2

From November 2012

I separated this into 2 thoughts so I could address them individually. I couldn’t let the other comment go without a thought.

As the 3 of us sat on the couches, Nephew also said, “and when I have kids, I’ll never kick them out either, like my dad did”.

He is 22 and was recently kicked out of his dad’s house; which is how he came to be here. He had dropped out of school his senior year and been doing nothing but hanging out with friends for 4 years. He didn’t have an ID, SS#, or even a birth certificate. (Hubby takes him for the last piece of it, his SS card tomorrow. Then he can look for a job; his 1st one- yay!)

Now, I love my nephew, but no one ever taught him that he has to work for what he wants (or that lesson never sunk in). That seems to be a common misconception for people; that they “deserve” what they have and that they are “owed or entitled’ something and it will be handed to them. They have “a right” to the telephone; they have “a right” to computer access; they have “a right” to television; they have “a right “to a job; “What’s in it for me” is the main question.

Neither God nor the world owes us anything. There is no such thing as fair….for that matter in most of life, fair is irrelevant. Nephew might feel he was kicked out for the “wrong” reasons, but it was the best thing to ever happen to him. I can’t wait ‘til he realizes that someday.

(me) “One day you will eat your words.”

(Nephew) “Oh, no I won’t,”

(me)“So you’re going to keep your kids there and continue to take care of them while they sit around with no job, no direction? You’re gonna support them forever and not teach them how to live on their own? How many more years would you have sat there doing nothing?”

(Nephew)“**crickets chirping**……oh, I guess you’re right”.

First, let’s address this; there is power in words. We should always be careful what we declare. When we defiantly announce that we “will never…. (fill in the blank)”, God will usually present us with that very situation.

Proverbs 18:20-22 (NIV)

20 From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled; with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

My mouth runs away before my thoughts catch up to it sometimes, but I try not to make declarations. It will bite me in the butt every time.

If Nephew hadn’t gotten "kicked out", he would have been stuck in the same rut for who knows how many years; he would have no idea how much groceries cost and learn moderation; he wouldn’t know how to hand wash a dish (something everyone should know, technology breaks and in my city most people don’t use the dishwasher because of the water problems); he wouldn’t have realized bathrooms and laundry need cleaned regularly; he would have just allowed his dad to continue supporting his lazy lifestyle (his own words, “I am just a lazy person”).

I just hope he continues to learn and grow here. Hopefully he will build a relationship with God, too. I get frustrated with some things he does or doesn’t do, but I have to remember he comes from a different background than me and there were things he didn't learn. That is so common in this age. I wonder if he just took everything for granted and figured he didn’t have to bother learning to be self reliant and not expect others to take care of him. I don’t think he even knows the reason he never bothered to do anything for himself. I’ll just keep reminding him that he was created on purpose, not by accident…..God doesn’t make mistakes, we do.