Thoughts from the Past

From May 2017

Wow! I can be so arrogant sometimes. I would even venture to say I was zealous; full of fiery passion! I was fuming and ready to shove the Bible down his throat….once I came down from my high horse. He stormed out implying that I was nuts and I furiously grabbed my pen and notebook and began at the beginning of the Bible. By the time I got to the New Testament, it had been hours and my brain was fried!

How dare he tell me it’s impossible to hear from God and that He doesn’t speak to us! I had spent my whole life learning to hear Him. Plus, the Bible is full of incidences of God speaking to people. Packed full! Most occasions actually say “God said…” I wrote down every reference I could find for proof.

I didn’t finish the New Testament until the next day. He HAD TO see that God speaks to us and I was willing to be the one to prove it to him. I would finish my task no matter how long I had to scour God’s Word for my case against him. I had pages and pages of Bible references that I was planning to haughtily wave in his face.

That was over 2 years ago. I never gave him the evidence. Every time I went to, something would stop me. Then too much time had passed and so had my "opportunity" . The enormous list sat in my notebook until the other day when God had me shred it.

I was watching a Charles Stanley sermon when he said something that hit me…….hard. What I should’ve done was ask God to reveal Himself, because He does talk to us and He can get our attention. But, He makes Himself known. He’s not on our timeline; nor is He at our beck and call. And He certainly doesn’t encourage prideful displays of “know-it-all”.

Force-feeding him my notes was not the answer. It was a stinky, unloving delivery that probably would’ve sent him the opposite direction, ruining my witness altogether. This wasn’t about teaching my "opponent" a lesson, it was about teaching me my place. I thought I meant well, but I wasn’t trying to help him understand, I was trying to make him see what I wanted him to see. And all that does is point to me.

I’m glad he never got my list. I want God to manifest in a better, healthier way. Not through my rude promptings or boastful anecdotes. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. It’s a choice. Which is what God wants; for us to choose Him. That’s the reason He made humans to begin with.

The best witness we have is how we live our lives. With love, integrity, honesty and mercy. That’s how we show people their need for God, through our need for Him. I might have been “right” about God speaking, but that was the wrong way to go about it. Love is what paves the way to a relationship with God, not being “right”.

Thank You for not ,leaving me the way I started, Lord. No matter the discomfort, peel back my layers of fleshly wants desires until I look more and more like Jesus. I want to leave a legacy of Your love not my “rightness”. Keep reminding me that this is really Your story and that I have a job to do. In Jesus’ name, amen.