Thoughts from a Sweat-soaked Pillow

I had a dream December 29th of last year. It was a strange dream. God spoke to me in this dream. It was a edict, a thundering promise of change……”This will all be done by the end of the year”, I can still feel His words reverberating through me. I knew without a doubt that this was no ordinary dream.

I thought He was talking about quitting smoking due to the content of the dream and that I only had 2 days left before He miraculously ended my 20-some year addiction.

New Years Eve came……New Years Day came. Nothing happened. Yet I knew I hadn’t been imagining things. So I kept asking Him.

Now, to back up a little, for the last year or so I’d been having a little marriage and family trouble (who hasn’t had that?). I was journaling one day and I wrote, “I know that God is going to give me a new husband.” I felt in my spirit that he would be the same man physically, but the whole idea felt unfinished….like there was more to it.

I had found Stormie Omartian books “Power of a Praying Wife” and “Power of a Praying Parent” and was diligently praying through them. My friend and I were getting together, whether in person or by phone, weekly to pray for our hubbys and our kids.

One of the first prayers in the book says “give my husband a new wife, and let it be me”. I knew I’d found the missing part to my new husband. Now how to accomplish that……

So here I was in January and I had this revelation:

I was being told that the year being spoken of would be my year of change…a year of true growth.

In June, my husband asked me for a divorce…very calmly and rationally and out of the blue. I knew my marriage was off-kilter, but was completely side-swiped by this request. His reasons: different beliefs in God, my over-involvement in the church, different child-rearing styles, the fact that we had absolutely NOTHING in common except our address, the fact that we had NO idea how to communicate with each other. Bottom line? The reason he wanted a divorce is because we are both human.

The time for change had come. We needed to fix our broken relationship now!

Marriage is not for the weak. It is hard work and I believe divorce is nothing but a cop out. We ALL come from different backgrounds, beliefs, ways of thinking…you name it. There are a million different opinions on the same subject. It’s all about figuring out how to change the way WE see things, and how to prioritize what is really most important in our lives.

We both made some drastic changes and things are going better…..he’s not getting off that easy.

So, how can I name this blog “Thoughts from a sweat-soaked pillow”?

Last Thursday, I came down with the most awful virus I’ve EVER had. 8 days later and I’m still only at about 90%. My fever soared so high I was hallucinating. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was convinced I had a vampire disease, needed a blood transfusion, that someone had tried to rip my hips apart and that I am made up of fully cooked chicken breasts (just the left side of me, mind you). I would not wish this virus on anyone. I completely dehydrated, my fever was so high I had every blanket in the house on me and my teeth were chattering. I was soaking my bed with sweat. I was delirious, talking like a crazy lady (scared the crap out of my mom), was so dizzy I couldn’t walk straight (when I could actually manage to walk), RIDICULOUSLY extreme fatigue. When I went to the doc Monday I thought for sure she’d say I was dying…..what she actually said was “I had that for 7 days”.

I thought for sure I had some rare disease. I have no taste buds right now either. Everything tastes like water. I’m sure those will come back though.

The good thing to come out of this? I finally quit smoking!!! I had no other choice. I couldn’t physically pick myself up and take myself outside to do it. Maybe He was talking about smoking in that dream last year.

The downside? I realized it was probably arrogance that made it last that long. Last Thursday, I was at work when the aches hit (which was most of what the virus consisted o:f aches and high fever). I proudly announced, “Sorry people, I finally got a 5-day work week and you know me, I don’t give my shifts away. I’ll be coming to work anyway” ……how rude of me!

Guess how many work days I lost……5. Go figure. God gives and God takes away. Hahaha.

I can’t wait to see how the rest of the year plays out. I know He won’t be “done” working on me by the end of the year, but I know I’m going to be a changed woman from the who I was last year.

(update from 2021- I never smoked another cigarette!)