Thoughts from a Box of Tissue

From December 2016

My nose is raw. I’ve used half of a box of tissue since I got the news this morning.

Times like this really put life in perspective. It’s amazing what we take for granted and how God reminds us that this life is SO not about what we think is right or wrong; good for us or bad for us; too young and not too young. It doesn’t have to make sense to us, we can’t see the big picture that God sees.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:8-11 (ESV)

I know He weaves good into our bad times and that He can use us where we are for whatever purpose He needs. It sure gives a new focus and shows that there is a God, who created the universe and that He controls our every breath. He doesn’t have to have my permission for anything. I am here for His purpose which I’m promised is good (Romans 8:28…..the whole chapter is good stuff, though). Most of the time we can look backward and see the reason in hindsight. Sometimes it takes a while, but usually He shows me what the reason was.

2 years ago this week, my friend Katy handed me a gift. As my going away present, she had knitted me a scarf and told me, “it’s not finished yet. You have to crochet the rest of it. I just didn’t have time.“ It included the rest of the skein of yarn she had used. She knew I would need it: I was moving to icy North Carolina to live with Hubby again after my son turned 18. We had lived in separate states for a year and a half with me going back and forth between NC and NM every couple months. I never got around to finishing the scarf that winter.

Katy helped me through that hard year and a half of living in a different state than Hubby. My son had run away from home on top of everything. She taught me gardening that summer so I could plant a garden for my mom. She even helped me work on my mom’s house (I was trying to do what I could to fix my mom’s quickly aging house). We spent hours on end playing the guitar and singing together. We even rerouted her horse’s coral in the snow. She was my spiritual mentor. I will miss her. My heart goes out to her son and boyfriend. I loved her much.

To answer my BFF’s question when she called me this morning, “Are we really at the age that our friends are starting to die?” No, God can call us home whenever He wants to. This is really God’s story, we’re just the players in it. Of course, she’s sorta right also. There does come a time in life, that we hear that phrase more frequently.

I want to remember that we are here for one main purpose…….love. First to love God, next to love others. The greatest commands of the bible. Katy knew that. She lived that. She had the biggest, most sincere heart. She was generous with everything and she made great tamales and refried beans. I knew her for about 20 years altogether. That’s nearly half of my life. I wish I’d gone and seen her even though she wasn’t really feeling up to company, when I was there in NM last week and over thanksgiving. She and her boyfriend had missed thanksgiving dinner for her not feeling well. I missed my chance.

I didn’t get the scarf finished last year because I hurt my hand and was waiting for it to heal. Now I don’t crochet any more, since it never healed. So, I pulled my scarf out last month and cut off and tossed the excess yarn. It’s perfect the way it is. Exactly how it was made.

Katy is in heaven riding horses, playing her golden guitar and praising her Abba. She’s having a blast right now. I know she’s there too, because she loved Jesus and believed He died to save her from her sins. Which is all any of us have to do. It’s a good feeling knowing she’s gonna be there when I go home.

See you there my dear friend. You will be missed.